In Which the Author Details Her Familiarity with Weight Loss Programmes of the Day

Ok, so I haven't done them all, but I've done a lot of diets or WOLs or whatever you want to call them. I started dieting when I was 14 or so, even though photographic evidence of the time reveals I was actually not overweight and actually, retrospectively, kinda had a nice body.

The 4 C's: Calorie Counting and Cindy Crawford!
Ok, so around aged 14 - 15 I calorie counted. I aimed for a probably insufficient 1,500 calories per day. But this was really all I cared about- I if I ate a Boost bar or two, then it was all good if it got me until 1,500 calories. I became one of those people who knew the calorie count of everything. At the same time I purchased a number of Cindy Crawford exercise videos (that sounds so darn quaint I might as well say I bought a bunch of Cindy Crawford gramaphone records). Anyway, Cindy was all about the 'music video' approach to exercise videoes - all big teased hair, lots of glamourous locations and a mixture of light cardio and resistance with light weights and high number of reps. Despite the fact that, in my living room, hair scraped back and wearing manky old tracksuit bottoms, I looked nothing like Cindy as she pouted gorgeously throughout, I did tone up and lost about a dress size (down to UK size 14) and I was pleased with this. Cindy has been criticised for including exercises that are seen as dangerous or not ideal, but I have found her various videos to be ok, if you take it a bit slower in places and don't wave your head around too much.

The Uniquely Dreadful Cabbage Soup Diet
Around this time I also had a half-hearted stab at the cabbage soup diet. Though designed for people about to have rapid weight loss prior to heart surgery (I think) I thought it was appropriate for a healthy, active, still growing 15 year old to eat nothing but cabbage soup for like 5 days. The diet is more complex than that, but I didn't do it right. It was pretty unfun and the kitchen smelt like an 18th century workhouse as my massive pot of ageing cabbage sludge sat on the hob for nearly a week!

Dr Bob - Hard Food Hard Body
Ok, so I kept up Cindy exercises and vaguely being ok with food until 1998 or so. Then I became a vegetarian (I absolutely blooming love the idea of being a vegetarian, but it doesn't love me). This caused me to gain a bit a weight, then I got a thyroid problem in 2000 or so. By this point I was away at uni and ate pretty much only carbs. We had tiny food lockers, and minimal cooking facilities. Unbelievably, not knowing better at this stage, I ate mainly white bread crisp or potato sandwiches (wtf?!), quorn spag bol, quorn with cheese and mayo on and a LOT of chocolate from the vending machine in my college. Jeez, I honestly can't recall veg or fruit, but there must have been some! I ate out a fair bit, always starter, main, dessert and drank enough on occasion to have actual palpatations. Me and future Mr Primal Ninja both love food, he was very skinny and could put away an inordinate amount of food in about 2 seconds and I upsized my portions accordingly.

So fastforward to 2002. Still a student, but a much bigger one (highest weight around this time unknown, but near my maximum of 217lbs), I stumbled across a book by Dr Bob Arnold 'Revolutionary Weight Control Programme' in a bargain books bin. Despite the cover revealing Dr Bob to have the appearence of a wax-work Clint Eastwood circa 1990, something appealed to me and I bought it for £2.99. Dr Bob's diet was about eating good instead of bad carbs, it was also lower fat. I am not sure I was doing it right, but I recall eating a lot of salads, beans, pulses and legumes (same difference I know!) It was the first time I'd come across the idea of carbs not being equal - but I didn't stick to it for long and then forgot about it. It was partly because Dr Bob was not an easy man to relate to as a plump woman. His only experience of being overweight was to deliberate break all his own diet rules to see what would happen. Whilst I applaud him for this level of self-control, as an overweight person, clamouring for and obsessed with chocolate 24/7, this didn't really speak to me.

Body For Life - Bill Phillips' Earnest Face
Ok, fastforward again to 2003. I am now a bit heavier, still a student and still a bit clueless about nutrition. In the very same book shop as I found Dr Bob I came across Bill Phillip's Body For Life. This instantly appealed to me and I jumped right into it and forced future Mr Ninja to take part as well. This plan is basically a weight-lifting programme for fast weight loss. You do 45 minutes of weight-lifting three times a week, and three sessions of High Intensity Interval Training each week. You eat a somewhat taxing six times a day - aiming for a fist sized serving of lean protein and a fist sized portion of good carbs. Good carb generally meant low-fat. Bread was allowed, fruit, etc. Fat was limited. Also, and very appeallingly to someone not really ready to address their underlying issues with food, there was a free day every week where you didn't have to exercise and you could eat whatever you wanted. While I can see this is wise for some people who might just choose to be a bit more relaxed, eact a single dessert or have a beer, for me it was a licence to binge like a crazy woman once a week. I practically got up extra early to give myself time to eat all the food I'd been fantasising about all week. And not only did I take the piss with the free day I also started to get slack with the other meals too. I wasn't one for meal replacement products (tasting like sick as many of them available in England did then). Like we used to eat burgers with mushy peas! Quorn burgers - not great protein, but still didn't eat meat then (did eat fish), in a white bun (white!) with frickin' canned mushy peas as my veggie portion. Looking back I amazed I was such a total moron, but I have found learning about nutrition to be a long journey.

Anyway, I lost about a stone (14lbs, 6kgs) and my body composition changed a whole load. I learned for the first time that I am actually quite strong, and also that high intensity interval training is not fun.

I have an affection for Body for Life - the book is encouraging, Bill Phillips comes across as a big muscly lovely earnest man who just wants to show you the right way. The testimonies and amazing before and after photos of Americans who have been successful (featuring one in a stars and stipes bikini which my sister promised she'd track down for me if I was successful) are inspiring and did me a lot of good. However, I didn't stick to it - eating 6 times a day was a big chore without meal replacement products and I still lacked the discipline to really take on exactly what was right. I did take from this that lifting free weights is not a bad thing for a woman - and spent many an hour with Mr Primal Ninja in the tiny, testosterone-saturated weights room. This gym was so small and old it had NO cardio machines.

How to Be Miserable and Obsessive - Weight Watchers
I should say I've nothing against Weight Watchers, but that would be a lie. I know a lot of people love it and get on well with it, but it did not suit me at all. In 2005, having gained back that BFL-lost stone and some more poundage I briefly flirted with weight-watchers. I joined online, perhaps the classes would have been better, but I worked out my points, planned, cooked and ate. And I was STARVING. I remember eating breakfast, being disappointed and then being hungry about half an hour later. I murderously hungry and obsessed with when I could next eat. I think I actually lasted about a week. I was running a bit at this point and any exercise was unappealing because it just felt like I was using energy I needed if I was going to eat so little.

The Glycemic Index and More Cindy Crawford
Soon after this, I tried Rick Gallop's low GI diet. This should have worked better than it did. GI, though less sophisticated than the Glycemic Load diet which was to follow, was a leap in the right direction for me. White carbs like bread, rice, potatos were out, beer was frowned upon. Veggies and some fruit were all good and so was most protein. I still didn't eat meat at this point and I found it really hard to stick to, but I was starting to learn that all calories are not created equal.

At this stage I ran - I read Sam Murphy's Run For Life (a great intro to running for beginners, and the starting point of my life-long worshipping of Enell's sports bras) and did a 5k. I also bought Cindy's workouts on DVD and a load of others too. I exercised about 5 days a week with these DVDs and running. It was hard at first but I began to feel better. Gradually I stopped fretting about my diet and I lost a bit of weight (about a stone again) and people noticed. Whoop!

But I slacked off again, Mr Ninja moved away for a while for work, I comfort ate, regained and moved to live with him again in 2006. By September 2006 I was around 210lbs.

Atkins Adventure
In September 2006 I began the Atkins diet. It was life-changing. More of this to follow - but I've got to run, I've got an eye test.